I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
