I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
