people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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