She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
