yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
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