Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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