Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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