you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
