called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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