Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
