cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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