please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
