Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
