It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize