i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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