Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
