doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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