Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
