i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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