a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
