I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
