he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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