and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
