If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
