Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
