i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
