I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
