I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
