p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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