Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
