I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
