Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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