I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
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