I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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