ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
