she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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