After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
