I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
