Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
