I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
