new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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