Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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