apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
even my farts smell like vagina
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
