I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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