I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize