How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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