I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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