I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were trust falling into bushes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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