I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
