You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
