i barfeds in our rink
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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