After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
