the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
