I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
