i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
