Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
