dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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