he thought i was a dude.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
