just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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