It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
