His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
